Aside from our work life, avoiding conflict can manifest in our romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. Spinelli highly recommends therapy for people who tend to avoid conflict because it can help you understand why you avoid conflict and practice conflict-management techniques. “Individuals who are conflict-avoidant tend to expect there will be a negative reaction and avoid even interactions that are healthy conflicts,” she explains. If an area is going to experience higher than normal turnout, we’d expect to observe a greater number of less consistent voters casting ballots.
- If you believe you have been wronged, rather than lashing out in anger, present your interpretation of the situation, and ask the other person to describe how they see things.
- If it’s something you feel or believe passionately, it may be worth the conflict.
- Understanding its harmful impact is often necessary to know how to fix avoidance.
- This anxiety might cause you to avoid or sidestep important conversations.
- However, in order to have our needs fulfilled, it’s important to practice assertiveness and communicate clearly with others.
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- Inside the guide, you’ll find a list of questions you can ask to clarify what does and doesn’t need to be said during conflict, and whether or not you need to say it.
- I won’t go out of my way to include her, keep her up to date or interact with her unless I have to.
- Avoidance might provide temporary relief from stressful situations, but it often perpetuates a cycle in which anxiety grows and becomes harder to manage.
- Once you’ve acknowledged you’re in a moment where you’d choose avoidance, you can actively take a small step toward — rather than away from — what’s making you uncomfortable.
- Consistent effort and practice can gradually reduce avoidance tendencies and build resilience.
When we avoid external conflict, have we created an internal battle? After all, we have suppressed our emotions, possibly anger, some frustration, our thoughts, and maybe even our beliefs. Our external conflict has been resolved but, unfortunately, only to be replaced by our own internal conflict. Perhaps you have fears over how your partner will react if you bring up an issue, or maybe you have anxiety over feeling vulnerable in front of someone else.
How to Identify + Deal With High Conflict Individuals
Remember, seeking help is a positive step towards improving your quality of life and relationships. Personality types play a huge role in how we deal with conflict at work. While the academic research points to different variations, it turns out that it can be very useful to simply break down personalities into two types of people– conflict seekers and conflict avoiders. The tactics that work when two conflict seekers go head-to-head are different than tactics required when two avoiders are dancing around each other. To resolve conflict at work, you need to start by knowing your own tendencies and by telling which kind of person you’re dealing with.
Common Signs of Avoidance Behavior
I know many of you are not into stirring the pot but find yourselves with high conflict lovers in your life, which can be stressful. That’s why I’m talking about high conflict versus healthy conflict, how to identify high-conflict people and protect yourself from them, and steps for more constructive ways to manage conflict. What happens to your relationships how to deal with someone who avoids conflict when you continue to deny yourself? Most likely, devaluing yourself will lead to others devaluing you as well.
You should create your own list that is tailored to your particular fears and anxiety triggers. Be sure that the list starts with the easiest task and gradually works up to the hardest. This means starting with situations that cause you the least anxiety and eventually working up to what causes you the most fear. Embracing that honesty is incredibly liberating, even if it’s hard sometimes. Still, overall, it will significantly reduce the conflict in your life, particularly when it matters.
- If you’ve tended toward avoidance coping most of your life or at least are in the habit of using it, it can be hard to know how to stop.
- If you’re ready to get started, get in contact with us.
- Strategies can include engaging in deep breathing techniques before the confrontation.
- When that gets easy, see if you can push yourself just a little more,” suggests Goodnight.
- For example, one person in the relationship may become jealous when another starts spending a lot of their time going out with co-workers instead of coming home after work.
- Check for any loose fittings, weak boards, or other problems, like a broken step or a wobbly handrail, and fix them if needed.
Intentions aside, it’s important for any couple to be on equal footing and able to trust that their partner has the desire to communicate effectively and responsibly. Avoidance isn’t a sign of weakness, stupidity, or lack of commitment. It is a sign of understandable anxiety that most of us experience at one time or another when we perceive that the stakes are high. Recognizing that you or your partner are acting in an avoidant way is also recognizing that the issue is important and meaningful, and that’s a good thing. We can be honest that avoidance isn’t a constructive strategy while also appreciating that the behavior arises from an individual’s apprehension about something they value and are anxious about damaging. Some couples experience this as “stonewalling” which means one individual is unwilling to engage in further discussion even though the other individual is actively seeking to talk about the issue.
